I am an old woman, and have seen much of life. I suffer from borderline personality disorder as a result of an abusive childhood, and have all my life been plagued with the consequences of my impulsive actions. As you have had the trauma of an absent father, I suspect your insecurities stem largely from that, and that you too are a slave to your impulses. Whatever the case may be, I truly believe your actions on that fateful night were indeed impulsive, for which you were not truly accountable. Not for one moment do I believe you had murderous intent, and that you have since died a thousand deaths of remorse once you discovered the outcome. I even believe that you feel the need to be sentenced to exonerate your poor anguished soul from its guilt.
I for one believe that you have suffered enough, and will have this dreadful memory on your mind forever, which is far greater punishment than the court can impose. But Oscar, I want to remind you that Jesus has already forgiven you, and I believe Reeva has as well, so in spite of the vitriole of Gerrie Nel and the revengeful posturing of some, you need to forgive yourself too, and be strong to accept all they throw at you as consequence of the verdict. God knows your heart and He will not allow you to carry more than you can bear in His strength.
Be comforted by the fact that there are many, many people here and abroad who pray for you, and feel your pain. You do not stand alone, and will always have a place in society. Ask the Lord to inspire you to find His will for you to carry out while serving your sentence, as all the great Christians in prison have done throughout the ages. It is not the end of the road! Now’s the chance to write your story in a book.
May God inspire you, fill you with His peace and strengthen you for the days ahead.
Anytime you want to write to me, I would be happy to correspond.
God bless you.